The Perpetual Darkness of Fear

Fear is the darkness which dooms our souls, steals our true face, and condemns us to forever wander down empty and badly-lit hallways. Fear is the worst. I can’t stress this enough. Because of fear I have waited years, if not decades to write this sentence. Fear is the creeping darkness that will rob your dreams and disappear into the night like it was never there at all. Fear is the darkest of personal darknesses.

And, if you didn’t think those heaping amounts of fear were bad enough, here is where it gets really dark. There is nothing darker than fear of myself. If I can’t face myself, be myself, than who am I? How can I possibly offer the world anything if I am fear-blocked. If am afraid, I am not acting from the height of my compassion, knowledge, or ability. I am not acting in accordance with my true will.

Thats the thing: This darkness of fear is the paralysis which keeps you on the couch. It doesn’t necessarily prevent you from doing what you need to do or being responsible or taking care of those you love. But, fear is the block which prevents the next word from appearing on the page. Fear not only prevents you from moving, but prevents you from striving through challenges or celebrating victories. Fear sucks. Fear is the enemy. More than doubt or even ignorance, fear is the door that never gets opened. To make it even worse, the fear we carry individually mushrooms into our collective fear which eats away at our collective souls.

More than any other shadow or demon which lurks in the shadiest corners of the astral plane; more than any earth violence or even the accumulated bigotries and ignorance of humanity, fear of myself, fear of my own creativity stops me faster and harder than anything else.

I chose to launch my blog and my book with this article, this story, as a testament to overcoming that fear and a talisman to continue to ward it off as I go forward.

Fear Be Gone!

Here is a point of light. The fact that you are reading this page means that fear can be exorcised. I did it! I faced it squarely as I would any ill-meaning demon and threw myself back in its face . First, I had to realize it was there, lurking silent and pernicious. Then I called it by it’s true name. That name is illusion.

Armed with that power, I did a ritual to release myself from my fears. To finally bury them and take them away for good. You are reading this paragraph now as a result of burying that fear and the ritual that acted as fear’s mortician. May my words flow with fire and air and water into the earth and sky beyond the bonds and constraints of fear that exists only to paralyze.

In other words, young man, go forth and conquer! Conquer with love!

Love Dismantles Fear

In loving myself, I have to look at my fear with sympathy and a dose of catalytic anger. As I worked through my fears of success and being loved and enumerated them all to the four directions, I was flooded with a torrent of emotions and a lot of them were variations on sadness. They were remorse and regret. A wailing regret for all the opportunities I’d missed; for the failed chances to express myself, and for the work that I had put off for myself, my partner, and the world. I silently screamed into the wind, into the darkness and to the depths of the underworld for my loss and my grief. Even as I recall this now I feel it the sadness, I feel the loss. It pours out of me like an old wound into the receiving ground. I can watch it wash into the dirt and sink away from me forever.

Like an addict in recovery, I will constantly remind myself of these departed phantom fears and what they have cost me. This is the darkness that feeds the light. This is a reminder of the shadows that stalk us all and how we can drive them and work them to our own benefit and the benefit of the world when we view them correctly. This is also uniting darkness and light to move forward with knowledge of both. Alchemy!

This is the result of the mediation, yoga, and magick ritual that have worked to defeat these fears. This is the result of years of striving to own my own healing masculinity and find a place for it in the world. This is the place of seeing how fear cripples our progress and person and as collectives and how it keeps the masculine parts of ourselves from healing. Fear stops the process and stops the Great Work before it has even begun. Now, the Great Work is taking over.

A Last,Outward Thought About Fear

I am done with fear! That part of my life is over and now I create. Now I expand into all the paths of my true will. However, now that I am done looking at myself I turn my gaze to the outside world and what do I see? Fear. Fear in the streets, fear in too many faces, fear in the earth itself. It is beyond the scope of these words to list the innumerable things which make people afraid, but it’s easy enough to list the forms that fear takes. It destroys instead of creates, hates instead of loves, and freezes rather than moves forward.

How can I help them beyond removing my own fears? How can you help after you’ve exorcised your own? First, just be there for them as a voice of calm and reason. Share what you know and have learned be it lessons from your own life or academic knowledge you’ve gained which can shed light on the subject. Don’t feed their fear with other irrationalities, gossip, etc. Be the compassionate counselor and not the artificial-rage fueled co-conspirator.

Fear Breaks the Higher Order of Things

Maybe after coming through my own fear gates I see it everywhere, but I am painfully aware of how how fear prevents us from reaching our true goals. Not for everyone, but certainly for too many. I know that fear breaks systems and that our systems our indeed broken. But, those systems in ourselves and in the world can be fixed. What are we afraid of?

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